A wise friend once shared that it takes two hands to clap; and it takes a whole lot more effort to be put in, in a relationship in order for it to truly work out for the both. It takes a whole lot of empathy and mutual understanding in order to get the best out of each other, and it's hard for either one of us to work out if both are shared as one but hardens gradually when being cared for, and sometimes it really gets pressurizing when you expect a whole lot more understanding when nothing is said.


And I love you just enough to last me a million more fights. I have known myself as to have never given up so early to be saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with you or anyone else, and I have never said it. Yes, I planned my future with my past partners but never have I pictured so much about it and got excited just knowing that things will turn out perfectly fine. I made past assumptions that whomever I was to love would probably work out. But the connection that I feel towards you is entirely different and it's the kind of love that Noah and Alley would have probably been through. I can happily say that I wouldn't mind bearing the rest of year going through tremendous heartache just to have you back at the end of the day. I would withstand any kind of bullshit that you're gonna put me through - and yes, I'm able to take it, I hope!

I'm no Robot

Everything seems so hypocritical at this stage. I don't get the idea of people wanting me to be at my best but my best just isn't good enough. They expect quality in return but they never thought that just maybe that they are so many things around you just fucking up your life that you're not able to feed attention to this particular priority.
It's simple how people see you like you can function an entire day just like a robot could. Multitasking like a profession without feeling anything beyond the poker face. I'm disappointed how everybody things that it's so easy to feel and shun aside my emotions just to concentrate on what's important. It's never the easy way out. Because at the same time you know that this person means so much to you and they put so much pressure and reassurance that their nothing and you know for yourself that their not just nothing. I have to understand that this people will never understand and mature to being reasonable.  They don't even sit to listen but assume so quickly. It's so disappointing that I just wanna run away and never return. I couldn't careless. I hate possessiveness. I really do. I find it sweet when someone gets protective over me because I feel like they care something in which I don't get from around this place, but to a certain extend I think his thoughts are just extremely vulnerable and ridiculous. What more can one say? I got shot straight in the face with a bitter bullet, something people might never understand because I'm procrastinating like mad, and it's just sad because then nothing will ever be accomplished.
Well I have to say that after a good two to three hours of deep thoughts, I have to finally say that I've decided what I wanted to do for my life, and as much as it pains me to say this - I will entirely shut my feelings out and go all out for my grades.


Love,
Abby Gabby

Lovin' It

Bunch of Thoughts

It all started out pretty - and yes, I chose to blog because I'm partially bored yet disturbed by the recent events.
I personally feel that our class had a lot of exciting spirit when we first entered the class, and slowly as we emerged into cliques and our own splurges of groupings, we become distant from  befriending others. I'm not saying that we're currently unfriendly towards each other but as you can already tell, the class becomes bipolar in becoming a whole because all of us eventually feels that there isn't a need to mix with another and gradually build a certain wall as they comfortably settle into one. Despite the fact that I doubted a lot of things about ITE (because I've been through it myself), I decided to have stuck with Freda, and right up until now, I miss her so much. She was gorgeous and oblivious to many things around her. And disregarding the fact that she left me to make new friends, I never blamed her.


For the recent events; lately, I don't really know how to feel towards the class - I mean looking back at the class wall and reading up on Pauline's message just basically dug everything beneath my throat and splatter right unto the wall. Can you imagine the pain that Miss Pang had to go through of having the decision of stepping out as our form teacher? It must have been tough, and saying things like - feeling sad for her isn't gonna solve what was done. She gave the class about a whole year to figure out that the things we do have already dismissed our trust from the person she saw us to be. And it isn't fun and joy when she stands up in front of the entire class, holding back her tears and biting her lips so she could hold back from bursting into tears. I have to admit that I have contributed in not being able to pull through good attendance for MICE (60%+). But what really annoys me is the fact that everybody doesn't turn up when she feels that she should cover our asses and plays it cool like her life is totally fine when deep inside she must be probably worried sick for our own future.


I would have been a terrible CA and fucking off from classes who didn't even care about their attendance. After all, it's a job I take up to earn income. But it's a whole lot more different when it comes to a teacher who really cares and put in all the effort and encouragement no matter what bullshit we put her through. It's a tough life, and I think we just made her life a whole lot worser.


Note to readers: This is base on my opinion.


On the darker side of the day, I was thrown a fuck word straight to my face. Sadly, I've got to say that - it doesn't really hurt if it came from somebody else, but coming from someone who lives in this house actually stabbed me right in the heart. Especially to the only adult I still consider a parent to me. You're unreasonable. I don't care if you have your period and the fact that you always give me bullcrap whenever you PMS around me. But this is just indescribable. I need not lay out the format of how things went about but truly am I upset.


I need you to know that I love you and I always will. I take everything like a pinch of salt because I understand what you're going through, but sometimes I just wished you put yourself in my shoes and understood what I go through for you. I know it's hurt to be where you are, and the suffering you're going through to just to be able to feed me or anybody else around here. But I need you to know that because I love you as my only parent, I need you around me. I know I'm temperamental and sometimes I just need to rant it right back into your face but that's because I'm human too. You may not be physically hurting me but it's killing me inside.


On the bright side.. 


I met him.


Love,
Abby Gabby

Eyes On You

I have no idea why at this angle, he looks entirely skinny but in actualization he is actually Mr. Chubs. (to me at least)
Today is just another ordinary Tuesday. Primarily exempted from running due to being an asthmatic teenager, yet my absence is not an excuse. Why? Cause I'll be another voluntary fag giving out cards to the runners again perhaps? Class was basically mundane for POM. Had a rough lecture from Miss Pang about the attendance rate though. I mean I get the fact that I don't always attend classes but not as regular. And even on days when I don't attend, I still rush down for other lessons. True story.


Side note: I don't really have the need to mention your name cause you very well know who you are, and I don't expect anybody to be asking me about this either but, please take a good look at yourself. Even if I was influential to the things they do, please note that - it's their choice to be around who they want to be with. The fact that you don't come to school often does not mean that they do not actually treat you like a partial blank wall. They did care for you, and if there was a need to list out my attitude towards anything, please come and approach me to clarify if you weren't happy in the first place. Never hated you,  never will, but please look into the mirror and reflect before reflecting upon me. You don't know me, girl.


I think I have played a part in letting Miss Pang down. I haven't got much to say, and I think a sorry isn't gonna cut it for the tears that actually weld up in her eyes. We could all do her a huge favor by turning up and working together as a class for a start. Differences between each other or not should be shun aside for the sake of our future.
My sweetest boyfriend came over to fetch me today though. It was a decent smoke after such a hush lecture; and it was reliving all at once.


Have you heard of GifBoom? (:
(Introducing me and Geno - after school. My crib)

Love, Us

All About Us

Note

You see, I love him so much - I can't really put into words for just how much I feel for him. Everything about him is so perfect. I cannot bring myself to see my future without him because he makes me whole and completed. There isn't a doubt that he is the one.

Love,

Abby Gabby